back again. a couple things have changed, the first thing being that I now own a computer, and have crossed into the land of the virtual living, while simultaneously transforming into the living dead. having not had inimpeded access to the internet over those past 9 or 10 months was actually a desperately needed crash course in communications austerity, I mean really, you only need to check your email once or twice a day, which is a nice excuse for a walk to the cybercafe, and I have learned the hard way that you absorb stuff much more efficiently when you read it on paper. so for those months I actually went into libraries, I browsed, I READ, I took notes and sketched in my notebook, I packed lunches for long walks.
now I read wikipedia and download oldschool rap on soulseek and read movie reviews on rotten tomatoes and check my email incessantly. and spend a lot of time in my room.
the other thing that has changed is my decade, I'm now thirty.
it's sort of impossible to not meditate on age, especially when you're only getting older. it's also impossible for that not to sound redundant, because, well, yeah.
in the meantime, as I inevitably age, I've mututed into downright woody allenish paranoid neurotic, spending whole weeks staring at the ceiling certain I have cancer or AIDS or something; after like a three week bout of unexplainable exhaustion circa my birthday and christmas I was sure this was the Big One, bird flu or anthrax or something.... and still don't feel tip top by any means, but have used my majestic socialized medical card to go get some bloodtests and it turns out I actually don't have cancer or AIDS, just that I had mono like a million years ago and didn't know it, and that I'm anemic.
it might be from being forced to be a vegetarian in this house. my roommate simply doesn't allow meat, the smell makes her sick (or something) and the truth is I just have no idea what to do with myself as a vegetarian. I mean, eating out is out of the question, too expensive, and then cooking around here? So, we have spagetti with mixed vegetables and cheese. we have rice with mixed vegatables and cheese. Yeah, sure, there is eggplant parmesan and lasagna and quiche but who's got the time? also, things get sticky in a country where there is no cheddar cheese. or tortillas. or sour cream.
what's happened is that I've sort of come to hate food.
but OK, there i've hit rock bottom with this post, so let's move off the bellyaching and onto new paradigms for an articulated existence. right, next time.
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